Marriage is one of the most significant decisions in life, especially in India, where it is not just a union between two individuals but also a merging of families, traditions, and values. Whether it’s an arranged marriage or a love marriage, thorough preparation is crucial to ensure a strong foundation for a happy and successful partnership. Here’s a detailed guide on what to do before saying, “I do,” with examples tailored to the Indian context.
1. Understand Their Family and Cultural Background
In India, marriage is as much about the families as it is about the couple. Understanding your partner’s family dynamics and cultural values is essential to avoid future misunderstandings.
How to Do It:
• Spend time with their family to observe how they interact.
• Discuss traditions, festivals, and rituals to understand expectations.
• Ask about their stance on joint family living or nuclear setups.
Example: Priya, from Chennai, learned during courtship that her fiancé’s family expected her to move in with them after marriage. This gave her time to mentally prepare for the transition.
Why It Matters: Understanding family expectations helps you navigate relationships and adjust to a new family dynamic.
2. Discuss Life Goals and Expectations
Marriage is a partnership that thrives when both individuals share common goals and expectations for the future.
How to Do It:
• Talk about career aspirations, financial goals, and family planning.
• Discuss lifestyle preferences, such as traveling, hobbies, or socializing.
• Be open about deal-breakers, such as relocating for work or having children.
Example: Ravi, an IT professional from Pune, discovered his fiancée wanted to pursue a Ph.D. abroad, which required adjusting their plans to support her ambition.
Why It Matters: Aligning on goals ensures both partners work together toward a shared vision of the future.
3. Evaluate Financial Compatibility
In India, financial discussions are often overlooked in marriage preparation, but they are critical for long-term stability.
How to Do It:
• Discuss income, savings, debts, and financial responsibilities.
• Decide how expenses will be shared post-marriage.
• Talk about financial goals, such as buying a house or saving for children’s education.
Example: Meera from Delhi realised her fiancé had significant educational loans. This allowed them to plan their finances together and prioritise repayments post-marriage.
Why It Matters: Financial transparency prevents misunderstandings and ensures a stable foundation for married life.
4. Talk About Religious Beliefs and Practices
Religion often plays a significant role in Indian marriages, influencing daily routines, festivals, and even parenting styles.
How to Do It:
• Discuss how religion will be practiced in your household.
• Decide on the observance of rituals, prayers, or fasting traditions.
• If you come from different religious backgrounds, plan how to integrate both beliefs.
Example: Aarti, a Hindu, and Imran, a Muslim, discussed how they would celebrate both Eid and Diwali, ensuring mutual respect for each other’s traditions.
Why It Matters: Understanding religious practices fosters harmony and prevents conflicts later.
5. Assess Emotional Compatibility
Emotional compatibility is vital for a healthy and enduring relationship. It ensures that both partners can navigate challenges together with mutual understanding and support.
How to Do It:
• Spend time discussing past experiences, fears, and insecurities.
• Observe how they handle stress, conflict, or criticism.
• Ensure they are open to communication and emotional support.
Example: Suresh noticed his fiancée often shut down during arguments. Through conversations, they worked on improving their communication style before marriage.
Why It Matters: Emotional compatibility creates a safe space for both partners to express themselves without judgment.
6. Discuss Parenting and Family Planning
In India, societal pressure to have children soon after marriage can create stress. Discussing family planning beforehand helps align expectations.
How to Do It:
• Talk about when (or if) you want children.
• Discuss parenting styles, such as discipline, education, and involvement.
• Consider how you will manage responsibilities if both partners work.
Example: Shruti and Karan agreed to wait five years before starting a family, allowing them to focus on their careers and travel goals.
Why It Matters: Clarity on family planning avoids future misunderstandings and aligns long-term goals.
7. Observe How They Treat Others
How your partner interacts with others, such as family, friends, or service staff, reflects their values and personality.
How to Do It:
• Notice how they handle disagreements or conflicts with others.
• Observe their relationship with their parents and siblings.
• Pay attention to their behaviour toward domestic help or service workers.
Example: Riya was impressed by how her fiancé, Aman, treated his elderly parents with respect, which reassured her about his values.
Why It Matters: A person’s behaviour toward others often reflects how they will treat you in the long run.
8. Understand Their Lifestyle and Habits
Lifestyle differences can create friction if not addressed early. Ensure you’re comfortable with your partner’s habits and preferences.
How to Do It:
• Discuss daily routines, including wake-up times, diet preferences, and work schedules.
• Understand habits like smoking, drinking, or fitness routines.
• Be honest about your own preferences and boundaries.
Example: Akshay and Priyanka from Bengaluru discussed their vegetarian and non-vegetarian diets, deciding to maintain separate cooking arrangements.
Why It Matters: Compatibility in lifestyle choices reduces conflicts and promotes harmony.
9. Discuss Living Arrangements
In India, living arrangements often include joint families, nuclear setups, or even moving abroad. Clarifying these expectations is essential.
How to Do It:
• Discuss whether you will live with your in-laws or in a separate home.
• If relocating for work is a possibility, talk about how it will affect your family life.
• Plan for caregiving responsibilities for aging parents if needed.
Example: Pooja and Ramesh agreed to live with his parents initially but set boundaries to ensure personal space and independence.
Why It Matters: Aligning on living arrangements prevents unnecessary stress and promotes mutual understanding.
10. Build Trust and Transparency
Trust is the cornerstone of any successful marriage. Being open and honest with each other strengthens the bond.
How to Do It:
• Share your past relationships, if any, to avoid surprises later.
• Be transparent about expectations regarding fidelity and loyalty.
• Discuss how you’ll handle conflicts or disagreements constructively.
Example: Manisha appreciated her fiancé’s honesty about his financial struggles and past mistakes, which built a foundation of trust.
Why It Matters: Transparency eliminates insecurities and fosters a deeper connection between partners.
Final Thoughts
Marriage in India is not just a union of two individuals but an amalgamation of cultures, families, and values. Taking these steps before marrying someone helps you build a strong foundation for a successful partnership.
By discussing life goals, financial expectations, and family dynamics, you can navigate potential challenges with clarity and mutual understanding. Remember, marriage is a lifelong commitment, and thorough preparation ensures a happier and more fulfilling journey together.
About Mona Singh
Hello, my name is Mona Singh, and I am a Certified Divorce Empowerment Coach & POSH Trainer, supporting professionals worldwide through my online and in-person coaching practice.
I help individuals navigate the emotional, financial, and practical challenges of divorce with clarity, confidence, and resilience. Having personally experienced the complexities of divorce, I deeply understand the emotional rollercoaster it brings and the uncertainty that follows.
I believe divorce is not just an ending—it can be the beginning of self-discovery, empowerment, and growth. Through my coaching, I provide strategic guidance to help professionals make informed decisions, rebuild their confidence, and design a future they truly deserve.
As a writer and speaker, I share insights on emotional healing, relationship dynamics, and self-reinvention. Whether it’s coping with post-divorce grief, navigating co-parenting, or overcoming limiting beliefs, my goal is to support individuals through this life transition with strength and self-assurance.
Let’s turn this chapter into a powerful new beginning!